


Of Blow Jobs and Hair Washing

by crownglass39



Series: It's Not All Glistening Bodies and Simultaneous Orgasms [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Sex, Domestic Fluff, Hair Washing, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 16:16:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3698792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownglass39/pseuds/crownglass39
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve washed the soap out of his stinging eyes and desperately wished that there would NEVER be a medical emergency in which the knowledge of how far his ejaculate travels would be a necessity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Blow Jobs and Hair Washing

**Author's Note:**

> I've written bad sex before.  
> In another fandom...  
> a decade ago.
> 
> I'm getting a hankering to do it again. Back then people found it mildly amusing. I find it freaking hilarious. We'll see how it goes. 
> 
> Anyone else want to read about nonagenarians having bad (and good) sex and more shmoop than you can shake a stick at?

People always think that sex with the fella you love, especially if you’ve been in love with said fella for 80 some-odd years, is supposed to be a just like in the movies. All passion and glistening bodies, melodious moaning and simultaneous orgasms.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Punk! You got it in my hair!”

Steve had the grace to look abashed and rubbed at the back of his neck while the tips of his ears pinked up. He looked not entirely unlike a scolded puppy which was quite the feat considering he was kneeling between Bucky’s legs having just given him yet another mind- _ehem_ -blowing orgasm.

“Well, ya know, Buck,” Steve said laying his head indolently on Bucky’s thigh, “your hair isn’t exactly army regulation length…” Steve was silenced with a well placed pinch on the shoulder  
.  
“Ow! You jerk! What was that for!” Steve rubbed at his shoulder with a petulant look on his face.

“Haven’t been in the army in over 70 years and I hardly think this is an army approved activity!” He said with a gentle wiggle of his hips. It was hard for Bucky to completely pull off the indignant act when his soft dick was still inches away from Steve’s lips, but it did rather prove his point.

“Well, they DID repeal ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’...”

Bucky’s death glare cut Steve off.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you got come in my hair!” he whined, scrubbing at the congealing mess with his metal hand.

“It’s all over the place!” he said gesturing with his hand and winced when a bit of spunk went flying off across the room. “How the hell did you manage that while kneeling on the floor giving me a suck job?!”

By now Bucky’s hair was sticking up on end like someone attacked him with too much hair product. It kind of made him look like an indignant porcupine but even Steve had enough common sense to keep his mouth shut.

Steve looked up at Bucky through his eyelashes and tried an innocent look “Super Sperm?”

Bucky sputtered despite himself.

“Well I guess I should take it as a compliment that you enjoy having my dick in your mouth SO MUCH that you come so pretty from it.”  
He cupped his hand on Steve’s cheek affectionately and Steve was dead certain that he used his come covered hand on purpose.

Steve sucked his thumb into his mouth lewdly then released it with a loud pop. “You love it and you know it.”

“Yeah, as much as I do you, ya jerk.”

Bucky stood up, forcing Steve to sit back on his heels to avoid getting face-smashed with dick.

“Doesn’t mean you get out of washing my hair though.” Bucky reached down to pull Steve to his feet. He grimaced “Dried spunk is just **gross**.”

Steve snorted and grabbed a few towels from the linen closet they passed on the way to their shower.

“What?!” Bucky’s death glare lost a bit of it’s bite when he when was still sporting his post orgasmic cat-ate-the-cream grin. Steve reached over to work out a bit of the rat's nest in Bucky's hair and wound up getting his own hand snarled in the mess.

“Given half a minute you’ll have me bend over Tony’s workbench with your tongue up my ass but you think dried spunk is gross. You’re a bit of a dichotomy there, Buck!”

Bucky shouldered him as they walked through the door to the bathroom so Steve bounced off the doorjamb. “Yeah. ‘S why you love me though.”

“Yeah, that must be it.”

The walk-in shower in their suite at The Tower was a Thing. Of. Joy. Not even counting sexual antics, the water pressure was goddamn heavenly. And they never, ever, EVER ran out of hot water.

They tried.

Seriously...tried.

Bucky practically purred as Steve worked his fingers through his hair. Making absolutely sure that every last bit of body fluid was removed from his tresses. And if Steve had to wash Bucky’s hair two or three times till he was in a state of bliss, so be it. It had nothing to do with the fact that Bucky LOVED having his hair washed by Steve.  
Nope.  
None at all.

“Speaking of Tony’s workroom,” Bucky cracked open an eye as Steve scritched along his scalp just one more time, “I’ve got an idea.”

“Whatever it is... the answer is NO!”

“What?!” Bucky all but whined but that was offset by him pushing his head into Steve’s hand like a cat, “I have great ideas! Fantastic ideas even!”

“Fine, then.” Steve ran his thumbs along Bucky’s temple, “let’s hear this fantastic idea of yours.”

“We should measure exactly how far your spunk can travel. Ya know...for science.” Bucky tipped his head into the spray to wash out the remaining shampoo. Apparently he hit his tolerance limit for indulgent petting for the day.

“No Buck.”

“I bet Tony would love to be in on the experiment.”

“I said NO, Buck!”

“Well then, I bet Jarvis knows…”

“I’m not asking him, you want to know so bad then YOU ask him!” Steve said while viciously rubbing a soapy (pink) bath poof over Bucky’s ticklish spots.

“Jarvis…” Bucky started, looking at the ceiling.

“Two point three meters, sir” came the dry reply.

“PLEASE tell me no one else can access that information Jarvis!” Steve rubbed at his eyes forgetting his fingers were full of soap.

“Only in the case of a medical emergency, sir.”

Steve washed the soap out of his stinging eyes and desperately wished that there would NEVER be a medical emergency in which the knowledge of how far his ejaculate travels would be necessity.

Bucky rinsed under the spray one last time, stepped away and shook like a dog (or one of those shampoo commercials... but Steve would never say that out loud.)

“C’mon, soldier,” the smack against Steve’s wet ass rang loudly in the shower, “we have a goal to beat!”

“You’re going to be the death of me, Buck!” Steve said just as a ridiculously fluffy towel was tossed at his head.

“Yeah…” Bucky’s shit-eating grin was back full force, “but what a way to go!”

\-----

 

 

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